Not that I don’t want other people to read my writing…I do. Eventually. And it’s not that I don’t have readers in mind while I write. I’m always thinking, “Okay, is this going to interest anyone other than me?” and “This is going to bore people” and things like that. But ultimately I write these stories because I want to see them on paper. I suppose I’m writing the sort of book I’d like to read. Even if everyone else thinks the book stinks, I’ll still want to read it. Bit narcissistic, I guess. My point is, I’m not really doing this FOR anyone else. I want people to be interested, but I’m not going to write stories just to please them.

Now art, on the other hand, is a whole different thing with me. And when I say “my art”, let me clarify that I’m talking about the art I do that doesn’t have anything to do with what I’m writing. If I’m drawing book stuff, I’m still technically in writer mode. Other than story-related pieces, I really don’t make art for myself. I’m not one to make stuff that I’d hang on the wall…unless I was creating the piece specifically TO hang on the wall. I think my wands even fall into this category. I like making them, but I’m not so much making them for me as I am making them for Someone Else.

And when I do make art for a specific purpose, or for a specific person, I work much faster. What would probably take me a week doing it for myself, I can create in a day for someone else. The whole process just becomes easier. I don’t know why that is…I’ve only recently observed THAT it is, for me. I don’t do art for its own sake. I don’t just draw because I “feel” like it. I have to have a purpose in mind.

And on the other hand, when I try to write something for someone else? The process bogs down. I hate writing essays, for instance, and how-to’s. Even if it’s a subject that interests me, it’s just never as satisfying as working on my novel. Have anyone else noticed that book and movie reviews on this blog are few and far between? I don’t enjoy writing them. Because it’s the sort of writing one does more for other people than for yourself (after all, you’ve read the book or seen the movie…you don’t have to tell yourself what you thought about it). It’s difficult, and the result is not satisfying. I have to write for its own sake; trying to squeeze an objective in there is hard.

So I have two creative outlets which I enjoy and am fairly skilled at: writing and visual art. My writing belongs to me. My art belongs to the world, I guess. I wonder if I was always like this, or if choosing to pursue writing over art caused my brain to wire itself this way. If I’d chosen to concentrate on art instead, would it be the other way around?

Has anyone else with multiple creative interests noticed something like this about themselves?

Like this post?

Like!

0 likes

One, our culture really doesn’t allow people to grieve in public. Nobody wants to watch people get emotional; it makes everyone else uncomfortable. But I was struck, yesterday, by how much unnecessary pressure this puts on people. It’s a whole lot harder to hold back grief than it is to let it out, and I would imagine it’s not healthy to hold back. Yet this is what our society demands of us. Makes me appreciate certain Middle Eastern cultures, where weeping and wailing in public is accepted and in fact, expected. I mean, when they grieve, they go all out. They cry out, and beat the ground, and tear their clothes, and cut their hair. It seems over the top until you’ve actually experienced grief like that…then you understand how freeing such actions are.

Two, I can never know for certain what it’s like to experience something without actually experiencing it for myself. I know that I as a writer…and maybe a lot of fiction writers do this…will find myself thinking that I’m more in tune with how people think and how people really feel than they are themselves. It’s an arrogant state of mind, and yesterday I was confronted by what utter bullshit it is. I can’t fully imagine that kind of grief because I haven’t been through the circumstances. It was potent enough being on the fringes of it…actually experiencing it? I can’t imagine. It’s a humbling thing for me as a writer to have to admit.

My job is to put myself in my characters’ shoes, but sometimes I do need to step back and admit that sometimes I don’t know what a particular feeling or thought or event is really like. I certainly don’t have the right to assume that because I habitually put myself in other people’s shoes, that I possess a surer grasp of an emotion than someone who’s actually gone through it. I’m good at guessing and mimicking how people think, and of course I know how I think. But I was struck yesterday by how much of what I know about people is simply outside observation, and not internal knowledge.

The only person I can ever truly know is myself.

Like this post?

Like!

6 likes

Anonymous(5)piglet

However, in the midst of updating, I discovered the my song links weren’t working. I must have updated something which broke the wpaudio plugin I’ve been using. I tried to get it working last night, but alas, no luck. I’m just not code-savvy enough to really know what I’m doing, and unfortunately the site for the plugin is only so helpful if you don’t know what’s wrong. So, just letting everyone know that for the time being, music on the blog doesn’t work. If I have to, I’ll switch to a different plugin.

Meanwhile, keep watching the Projects page. I’ve also added a few more links to the right side, and am about to organize them a little better.

*Update* Music works! Yay for support forums.

Like this post?

Like!

0 likes

Now, if you like a post I make, you can give it a high five at the bottom.

P.S. And if you have a user on the blog and are signed in, it should list your username. Otherwise, it will list you as anonymous.

Like this post?

Like!

4 likes

Anonymous(2)goldi8472piglet

I’ve now gone through and deleted probably 3/4 of my user list. I left the ones whose emails didn’t come up on the spammer list, which I am assuming/hoping belong to actual people. (People that I don’t know in RL, that is. There were exactly five of you. Yay!) Again, if you’re human and somehow ended up being deleted, please email me and I can set you back up.

And please feel free to comment on the blog, if you like something/ don’t like something I say! I like feedback.

Like this post?

Like!

0 likes

Today’s motto was God’s Word is True. Now, when I read a phrase like that, my hackles automatically go up because it’s so easy for people to misunderstand. Not all truth is factual truth, and a story doesn’t have to be historically, factually real in order to be “true”. However, these are kids we’re talking about. How do you explain the concept of genres in the Bible to a fourth grader? Simple answer: you really can’t. Wait until they get into junior high, and then maybe you can start explaining how the various parts of Scripture are true.

However, there is a vast difference between saying “everything in the Bible is true” and “there are no made-up parts in the Bible; all the stories are all true”. Heaven forbid you start saying things like “Everything that’s written in the Bible actually happened in history, and happened exactly as it is written”. See, I’d agree with the first statement and need to majorly clarify the second, and I think the third statement is blatantly false and is entirely missing the point of entire sections of the Bible.

It seems like many Americans have this notion that factual truth is the only truth worth knowing. In other words, if it didn’t actually happen, it’s meaningless. It’s “make-believe”. It’s not real. It causes people to turn their noses up at fiction writing as “fairy tales”, or worse, “lying”. It causes people to decide that certain movies and books cannot possibly contain truth because they’re about talking animals, or people who can do magic. It’s why some people won’t watch anything but the History Channel. In this worldview, only facts have value…mythology and legends are “just stories”, and are therefore of no use whatsoever. (Even though a people’s mythology can often reveal more about who they are and what they believe than their history can.)

Therefore, if the events in the Bible are not all historically, factually true, they conclude that the entire Bible is meaningless. Thus, when people outside of the faith encounter such Bible-believing Christians, they conclude that all Christians must be mindless morons, if they really think everything in the Bible “actually happened”. In trying to maintain the “factual reality” of the events in Scripture (which they mistake as The Truth), such literalists are actually destroying the credibility of the overall message (i.e: the Actual Truth) to people who, you know, actually understand how to properly read various genres of literature.

How can I put this delicately? Ever heard of an allegory? A poem? A metaphor, for crying out loud? The Bible has all of them! People who dismiss any story because “it’s not real” are missing the purpose of the story. People who read a myth the exact same way they read a historical document, and require the myth to have the same factual information as the historical document, and automatically dismiss the myth as not being worth their time when it inevitably doesn’t have the same factual information as the historical document…it becomes obvious that they don’t know what a myth is for. Basic reading comprehension fail.

For example, personally I think Genesis is an allegory of creation, not a factual account of creation, and here’s the kicker: it doesn’t have to be factual to be in order to be true. The story employs archetypes and uses allegorical language to describe humankind’s fall away from God. (Come on, the people’s names were Man and Mother of All Living, and they ate from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. The language is rhythmic and poetic. Allegory!) On the extreme opposite pole, there exists a relatively modern movement in America called Young Earth Creationism, which maintains the God created the world in seven literal days around 6000 years ago, despite the veritable mountain of evidence to the contrary. I think such “literalism” stems from this need for every Bible story to have happened “in real life”. People try to convince YECs that Genesis cannot be factually true, but all the YECists hear their critics saying is “Genesis is meaningless”. And if Genesis is meaningless and therefore false, than the whole Bible is meaningless and God is a liar. And this is all because in their reality, stories that aren’t historical fact are meaningless, and therefore false. Fact = Truth. NotFact = Falsehood. It’s simple, black and white…and utterly blind to most of humankind’s collection of Truth in the form of poetry, allegory, metaphor, parable, fairy tales, and bedtime stories.

As a writer, I could not live in such a world.

Not everything has to exist in real life to be true. “Made up” stories can still be “true”…that truth simply exists in a different form. Jesus himself made up stories to make a point, and I don’t think many people are suggesting that the events in those little stories actually happened. That wasn’t the bloody point. Stories don’t have to be real to be true. The truth is not in the provability of the events. The truth is in the message conveyed by the events. It doesn’t matter if Genesis never happened. It doesn’t matter if Revelation never happened, or never happens. Those stories are still true, in that they contain universal truths that aren’t bound by fact or history.

This sort of thing is obvious to me because I write fiction, and so I find myself boggled when other people don’t understand. Maybe it’s because I write fantasy fiction, which is both “fantasy” and “fiction”…a double dose of unreality, as it were. I have a more ephemeral notion of Truth, I guess, which is based less on the “real world” and more on what sorts of things are worth believing. In my mind, some facts are True. Some Truth is factual. But not all Truth is factual, and not all facts are True. The nightly news about all the horrible stuff that goes on during the day might be fact, but such things are not expressions of Truth…and in my mind, the news is not more worthwhile than Lord of the Rings just because the news is “real life” and LOTR is “make-believe”. Sometimes fiction is truer than real life.

In fact, I think I write fiction because it’s actually easier to write truth when one isn’t confined to fact. We live in a messed up world. It’s far easier to tell the truth when you don’t have to tell things exactly as they really happened. And given the sheer amount of poetry and metaphor and allegory and parable and storytelling in the Bible, I think God understands that.

Like this post?

Like!

0 likes

Toy Story 3 was good, but surprisingly…well, dark. I mean, some of stuff those toys were doing, some of the scenes, whew. Just the fact that these are children’s toys makes it all the more disturbing when they imprison and hurt each other, you know? It reminded me of one of the interesting aspects of faery lore: the grotesque is hidden within the enchanting and innocent. Everything seems fine and beautiful, but there’s something…off…that you just can’t put your finger on. Until it’s too late.

But they wrapped up the Toy Story saga quite well. Yes, I cried.

The Karate Kid was a different beast altogether.

I’m very glad we opted to see it without Eli. I’ll not review the movie itself except to say that I found it a pretty good retelling of the original. I really don’t think it was trying to be anything else…just updating a classic story. What struck me was the intensity of the martial arts.

I have a second degree black belt in Taekwon-Do. Normally when I watch a martial arts movie, I find myself thinking something along the lines of, “I could do that, if I really wanted to.” I’m familiar with the basic breakdown of moves. It’s not so much that I think I could hop up and mimic the moves right then and there (ha!)…but I know what they are doing. It’s something I could learn. You know? I do the same thing with art. I can look at a painting and be reasonably confident that if I don’t already know the technique, I could learn it.

So when I watched this round of The Karate Kid, I had the rather unusual experience of watching with my mouth hanging open and thinking, “There’s no way in hell I could do that. Even at my peak, I wasn’t anywhere close to that good.” It was a humbling experience. I suppose those are good for me. It started me thinking about humility in general, and how it relates to something a person is good at.

It’s easy to be humble in the presence of skill you don’t have and don’t have any particular wish to acquire. For instance, I’m constantly in contented awe of Hanson’s ability to produce good music. I have dozens of favorite bands (who doesn’t?). But I’m not a musician. I can go on and on about stellar music because I’m under no delusion that I could create stellar music. It’s not a skill of mine.

However, I have a rather different relationship with art. For example, I can vividly remember being jealous of NeonDragon’s work, because, well, she was better at drawing than me. Knowing intellectually that there will always be people more and less skilled than you in a particular area is not quite the same thing as actually being confronted with it. I discovered that you can either stay annoyed, or you can choose to be inspired. Ideally, a person can train themselves to automatically choose the latter, but I think the better you are at something, the harder this is. And, paradoxically, the easier it is, because you can more easily discern how you could improve.

(By the way, I would highly recommend NeonDragon’s books. They are awesome!)

Again with the martial arts. Now, martial arts is not something I’d consider a primary skill of mine, and so I’m not as inclined to be jealous when I encounter someone who’s a lot better than I am. I suppose in that area, I’m easily inspired. Maybe because I don’t have a burning need to be really, really good…it’s fun, and I like it, but it’s not a passion with me, like writing or art. (And when I talk about needing to be good, understand that I’m not talking about needing to be better than everyone else. It’s about a personal drive to make the best work I possibly can.)

Writing is a relatively new passion for me. I haven’t yet come across any writing that has truly humbled me, in the way that The Karate Kid’s martial arts humbled me (in that “no way in hell” sort of way). I have seen writing that affected me the way NeonDragon’s art did (in that “grrr, this is really good” sort of way) But I haven’t been jealous.

Now, the thing I’m not sure of is whether that’s a humble reaction, or a terribly arrogant one.

Hopefully it means that I’ve learned to be inspired by greatness, instead of annoyed by it. I’m not in competition with anyone. Every writer has their own style, and every author will have readers who enjoy that style. I think maybe it helps that I love to read, and so I like finding writers who write amazing stuff because, well, I enjoy reading it. Maybe it also helps that I stepped into writing with no real knowledge of the craft…I mean, I knew how to *write*, but crafting a novel is not quite as simple as barfing words onto a page.

I can be titchy about art because I’ve been drawing all my life. I have to struggle more to be gracious. It’s easier to be gracious when you’re a student, which is what I feel I am as a writer. I haven’t really earned any authority or credibility in that area. I can happily admit that I’m not very good at certain aspect of writing. Whereas with art, when I was in high school, I was an authority because I was skilled at it. It becomes harder to admit that I’m not as good as some artists, because I’m used to people expecting me to be. I’m better at having a humble attitude than I was…or at least, I’d like to think I am.

I know that the student mindset is a healthier one for me to have, especially in the writing business, when it’s necessary to cultivate a thick skin. I’m not entirely sure how I would react to a piece of writing that just blows me away and makes me think, “Wow, I could never do that.” Especially if that happens after I’ve been published, and have a few books under my belt, as it were. Part of me is convinced that would never happen, that the most I’d think is, “Wow, I can’t do that…yet.”

Is that arrogance, or confidence?

Like this post?

Like!

0 likes

Both of them read selections from their new books (Cassandra’s isn’t out yet, Black’s is), and then they did a Q&A. Some of the questions were more interesting than others…heh heh. Kind of makes me think about how they must have to answer the same questions over and over again, and that if my books gain enough of a following that I get to do a tour, how I’d have to do the same thing. Although, having people that interested in what I write would be awesome, in the long run.

I took my stele along, of course, being the ridiculous fan girl that I am. While I was there, I decided to give it to Cassandra Claire, since hey, she invented them, right? She said no one had ever given her one before, so that was kind of neat. I gave her a business card, too.

Let’s see, what else. I ran into a gal I had met at the writer’s conference, and we got to catch up. She’s a fellow fan of Susan Hubbard, and we seem to like the same sorts of books and movies. I had a lot of fun with her at the conference, so it was good to see her again.

But I think the crowning moment of the night was the earth-shattering burp that emanated from the balcony about halfway through the Q&A. Seriously, even the two authors paused long enough to acknowledge it.

Yeah, that was Eli.

Now, I don’t know what’s worse: the fact that my four-year-old son managed to belch loud enough for the entire building to hear…or the fact that I recognized his burp. I remember turning to M and saying “That sounded an awful lot like my son…”

Yeah…the hubby confirmed it later.

Like this post?

Like!

0 likes

On Saturday evening, I’m going to be participating in a zombie walk in downtown Melbourne. Which means I have to put together a zombie costume in the next week…which I’ve never done. Zombies don’t appeal to me much, on the whole, but the experience sounds like fun. The idea of being among a herd of 400+ zombies invading the Melbourne Steak n’ Shake is something I’m particularly looking forward to. Then, on Sunday, I will be heading to Gainsville to participate in a rally protesting the presence of Westboro. (Yeah, they’re coming to FL. *groan*). I’ve bought the foam-board to make a sign, and I know what I want it to say. I just need to design it, and get it done.

Side one:
“I find hope and it gives me rest
I find hope in a beating chest
I find hope in what eyes don’t see
I find hope in your hate for me

Side two:
“Have no fear when the waters rise
We can conquer this great divide.”

Ngi Ne Themba

(which means “I have hope” or “I find hope”)

It’s from:
Hanson - Great Divide

I was sitting around trying to figure out what I’d write on a protest sign, and this song was playing in my headphones. I turned my attention to it and realized it was perfect. Been trying to get some fellow Fansons together for this thing in Gainsville, but I don’t know if any of them will actually be able to make it. Oh well. I’ll go it alone if I must. Westboro is just that annoying to me…I can’t stand the idea of them being in MY state and me doing nothing. Even if all our counter-protesting doesn’t work, it’s…something.

I think all this is distracting me from my usual creativity. Politics do. That’s part of the reason I usually avoid them.

I know what’s slowing me down with Shades. It’s that damn portal spell that I’m weaving into the plot…it’s an interesting part of what’s going on, and has a lot of worldbuilding information, but it’s just not any fun to write. It’s highly technical, magical theory, ergo it has to be internally logical and consistent. I also have to keep track of where Saeli is in the form with all the other crud going on, and when I lose my writing momentum, that means going back through the previous chapter and picking out the form bits to remind myself of where I am. And it’s also frustrating because I had all that DONE in the chapter I lost. The form was basically done. I can rewrite all the interaction between Yuril and Raphel and Saeli and Brendan easily, because it’s a highly emotional scene for all of them. But that form? I don’t like having to rewrite that. Ugh.

Rewriting the lost chapter and writing the next chapter in tandem is only working so well. I can’t get any momentum generated on the next chapter because I can’t go back and look at what I’ve already written. I hadn’t realized how much I depend on being able to do that. It’s not usually a problem, because I write my chapters in order (as opposed to when I have a good idea for a scene, etc.). One chapter builds from the next, often in ways I can’t anticipate. Things fall together in ways that just don’t happen when I try writing a random scene. It’s like the magic doesn’t happen unless I know where the characters were five minutes earlier, or five years earlier. Brendan and Raphel are about to fight to the death, for pity’s sake, and I still can’t seem to generate any emotional response from myself.

Part of this has to do with my inner critic, who has been giving me trouble lately. “This scene is taking too long to get going…this scene has too much dialogue…the scene is too slow…Saeli isn’t scared/concerned enough…blah, blah, blah”. I feel like yelling, “Shut up, Fathead!”…though if I did that in the middle of Books-a-Million, I might get some concerned looks.

Maybe that will be my mental theme for the week. Shut up, Fathead, and let me write!

Like this post?

Like!

0 likes

When you compare statements like “God Hates Fags” and “Where’s Waldo?”, yeah, there really isn’t much meaning to either, and I think that was the point. It’s really an ingenious protest, IMO.

Here’s the article itself.

Like this post?

Like!

0 likes