I think that both my query letter and story are much stronger than they were at this time last year, but I suppose I’ll have to wait and see what sort of response I get.

The issue that’s going to work against me the worst, I believe, is length. Hands, Like Secrets is bloody long, both for a debut and especially for the YA market. And there’s only so far I can knock it back without compromising the story. At best…at the very, very best I can do on my own…I might could knock it back to 118,000 or so. That’s how long Twilight is. Twilight was a debut, and a YA to boot. It’s not impossible.

It just makes an already difficult job harder.

I try to tell myself that Eragon was somewhere in the neighborhood of 150,000 words, and it took off nonetheless. However, Eragon was originally self-published, and had something like a year to gain momentum before a publisher ever picked it up. I will self-publish Hands if I absolutely have to, but I want to exhaust all my other options first.

I’m about to get back to work on Promises, Like Tears, which has become a bit bogged down. I think there’s a lot in there that I need to go back and cut, or rearrange, and I can’t quite decide if I should do that first or just push on to the end and THEN come back. The latter is probably the better option.

Changed Shades to Seven Shades. I really have no reason other than it sounds more interesting. And the characters occasionally swear by it. The only fact I’ve established is that there are seven “shades” in shayol, and I haven’t really worked out why that’s important. Might become relevant in the last book, when Saeli is briefly taken to shayol by the Keeper of the Oath. I suppose I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

I’ve also decided to attempt NaNoWriMo this year, and see if I can’t get This Chosen Fate written. It’s all plotted out; all I have to do is sit down and write it. That’s something I really need to practice: writing straight through something without going into editing mode. And this way I’ll have something besides Shades to shop around…something that isn’t as long

Like this post?

Like!

1 likes

Anonymous

Well.

The problem is, my productivity has been extremely spread out. I’ve gotten a little further on Promises, Like Tears. I’ve written the script for about half an episode of Grimms, and mapped out all the episodes in each season…so I have a very clear picture of where everything is going. I’ve written a better version of my query letter, and am set to revise it yet again. I discovered the most awesome epic fantasy writing music on the planet. I made some awesome Halloween costumes. Aaaaaand, I’m revising Hands, Like Secrets. Again.

I just really don’t seem to have the discipline to keep plugging away on one single project at a time. I can do it for a couple of weeks, but then it’s like I HAVE to work on something else for a little while. My system of grouping projects together (one series, one novel, one season of Grimms, specific visual projects) has been useful in keeping myself within limits, as far as what gets worked on. I really can’t decide if my multiple project mindset is something I ought to try and train myself out of, or something to harness. I mean, once I break into the business I will have to be able to work within a schedule. I won’t be able to work on whatever the hell I want when I want, you know? So maybe I need to get myself used to that now.

So, in order. I’ve kind of hit a wall in Promises, one of those “just wanna get this stupid scene DONE and move on” walls that you simply have to kind of plod through. I felt like I was losing my grip on the characters and their motivations, like everything they were doing was coming from me instead of them. Being a character-driven writer, I hate that feeling. When I get that way I just have to take a step back. That was around Halloween, too, so I was doing costumes, which always eat a lot of my time.

Also, I got a copy of Scrivener for my birthday this year, and part of what’s been eating my time in the last couple of months has been moving all my various ideas and works-in-progress over to that format. Scrivener is a writing program which basically allows you to store all your documents, photos, bits of research, anything related to your story in one place, and lets you organize it. It’s really a great tool if you, like me, find yourself creating massive folders full of story-related stuff for each novel, and get tired of having to have multiple programs open all the time just to access it all. Initially I wasn’t going bother moving Shades, since Hands, Like Secrets was done and Promises well started. But after realizing that I could put ALL of my Shades stories in one project file, including the sequel and prequel, I decided it made sense to dump it all into Scrivener. Moving all my various projects has really helped me take stock of where I am in each project, and what still needs to be done. It was this move, actually, that got me working on Grimms again.

I ended up going through the whole story and working out arcs for each character, especially when they would peak or bottom out. What I didn’t want to happen was having all eight Grimms hitting rock bottom at the same time, because then I’d have a bunch of emotionally charged episodes followed by episodes where nothing significant happened. Gave each episode a name and a general plan of action as well.

The other major thing I did was make one of the Grimms gay. When I was creating the characters initially, I set out to make the cast as racially diverse as possible (without it seeming contrived). The girls outnumber the guys, but since guys tend to be over-represented in visual fiction, I think it will actually end up feeling even. But my relationship pairings were…too perfect. Hansel/Gretel, Red/Stiltz, Cutter/Cinder, Rapunzel/Oros (a fae), and Rora was going to fall for Alan Hunter in the end. But the whole point of having a diverse cast is so that, hopefully, everyone that reads the graphic novel will have at least one character they can really relate to. One character that “represents” them. This is the strength of an ensemble. So I got to thinking, who will my LGBT readers relate to? I felt like that perspective deserved representation as much as any other.

I chose Rora, initially because she was the only “unattached” Grimm, and changing her orientation would least affect my already established story arcs. But as I began to approach her character with this new nuance in mind, something unexpected happened. She almost immediately fell for Katie, the human girl who gets placed with Mother Goose in Season 3, and it was perfect. It introduces the problem of a Grimm falling for a human, which nicely contrasts Rapunzel’s struggle (Grimm falling for a Fae). It explaines a lot about Katie’s character. It links the Grimms with Smile, the second Fae-rescue team that Katie eventually helps start. I get to address the issue of homosexuality from the perspective of someone who’s grown up in an environment entirely free from the usual associated stigma (Arcadia), and someone who is all too familiar with the stigma.

And then, just this month, I really started to reassess where I am with Hands, and my agent-hunting. Because aside from that one nibble right at the beginning of the process, I’ve only gotten form rejections and silence. I tried revising my query letter, but that hasn’t seemed to help. Therefore, I have to think that it’s the story itself, specifically the beginning (as that’s what most agents request), that’s the problem. I have actually suspected (and tried to deny) that Hands didn’t start in quite the right place, that the scene in the High Priestess’ office is too tame to kick off the story. I just couldn’t figure out how to include all the necessary backstory otherwise. But I started reading a book called Hooked: Write Fiction That Grabs Readers by Les Edgerton…and realized that a lot of that backstory is not really necessary. Interesting, perhaps, but not necessary.

What I essentially decided to do was start the book in Chapter 2. I mean, compare the strengths of the opening lines:

Chapter 1: “I’d been summoned to the High Priestess’ office that night.” Bleh.

Chapter 2: “I sank back against the wall, gripping my hands into fists to stop them from shaking.”

Yeah, the second one is a whole lot more intriguing. And that immediately segues into the battle between Raphel and the High Priestess, which makes for an awesome first chapter. I was able to add back in enough information that (I hope) the reader will be able to figure out what’s going on. (Though I will say, if you are the kind of person who likes to have all new information, definitions, words, and explanations laid out for you up front, you probably aren’t going to enjoy this book.)

And, in rewriting that beginning, I really started to straighten out Saeli’s GMC as it progresses through the story. Although the last major rewrite I did straightened out most of the major continuity errors, there was still some disconnect between various scenes, specifically in the area of how Saeli is reacting to what’s going on. The various issues were coming and going, one after another, instead of piling up to the climax. Also, Saeli’s a bit tougher and sharper this time around, and there’s a very noticeable disconnect between what she’s thinking and how she’s acting at any given moment. I think this has everything to do with where the story starts now. She’s all over the place, emotionally, in her head…but to anyone else, she probably comes across as calm, quiet, and even a little bit cold. She’s actually pretty downright harsh to Raphel at first, and overall I think she’s a better match for him this time around. I’ve found myself writing him a little bit softer and more seductive in response, and I think he actually likes her a little bit more than he did before. It means that his cruelty is all the more jarring when it surfaces, which is appropriate.

I think this will also help me push through Promises, as I have a much clearly picture of where Saeli has been.

I’ve also discovered what seems like a hundred little tiny plot holes, which is both irritating and alarming (I’ve sent this to agents? Good gods, what was I thinking??). Most are continuity gaps, emotionally getting a character from here to there. Some are logistical, like why on earth did I have Saeli and Raphel walk up an entire flight of tower stairs in the city Temple when time is of the essence and THEY CAN TELEPORT?

And the latest one: After Raphel spirits Saeli away and returns her, the High Priestess decides that it’s not safe for Saeli to leave campus until she is dedicated to Scisaxar. Saeli gets special permission to leave campus for a few hours to go to a graduation party, at Cara’s request. She walks alone to a cabstand and takes a cab. On the way, she is intercepted by Raphel.

See the problem yet?

Saeli would never have been permitted to walk out of Aschamon alone. See, the reader knows that Saeli has already thwarted this rule once, and that she is not in any physical danger from Raphel. But the High Priestess does not know that. There’s simply no way she would allow Saeli to travel to this party by herself: she would arrange for Saeli to be teleported straight there, or at the very least, assign someone to escort her.

Cara is a bit more blaze about the whole danger aspect. She’s helped Saeli sneak out once…but that was only to Main Street, and she was with her roommate the whole time. Letting Saeli travel by herself, across town, at sunset? No, I don’t buy it. Again, as far as Cara knows, there is a murderous Cowl out there just waiting to get his hands on Saeli again.

But the thing is, Saeli has to be alone for this scene to work. She has to disappear with Raphel for an hour, and then has to appear at the party with no one the wiser. (Which means Raphel can’t neutralize Saeli’s escort, or abduct her for an hour when teleportation is supposed to be near instantaneous.) Raphel also cannot go anywhere near the party, because any Anjahel there will sense him. Saeli has to start learning rashas qi onscreen, as it were, and it must happen before all the party excitement (because she won’t be in any emotional condition to do it after she’s been “abducted”). This does not leave me many options.

My best one:

#1: Cara acts as Saeli’s escort. Raphel, in the guise of “Aiden”, whom Cara has met, convinces her to let him have an hour alone with Saeli before he takes her to the party himself. Cara would probably agree to this.

Downsides: Cara has been to Valene’s house (where the party is), so there’s no good reason for her to NOT teleport her and Saeli straight there. Especially since Cara wants to give Saeli the full advantage of her limited freedom, and figures Saeli won’t want to waste time in travel. Granted, they would have to exit the school in order to teleport, but they’d only have to be outside the gates. Raphel cannot intercept them there for obvious reasons.

Possible solutions: Saeli convinces Cara to get a quick bite to eat in town before heading for the party. Maybe, if Cara can be convinced that isn’t bending the HP’s rules too much. Or, Saeli travels with a large group of girls (probably Cara’s friends) into town ahead of time to, I dunno, eat or accessorize or whatever. A group would seem safer. Problematic, in that Raphel isn’t going to want to be seen by a whole bunch of Aschamon students and risk being pegged for what he is: a Cowl. Also, it means lots of people are going to know that Saeli disappeared with a guy, which means the word is much more likely to get back to the Priestess. The Priestess would recognize Raphel from his description. Eh…sounds like I’m going with option #1. It’s the least complicated.

Least complicated being an extremely relative term. Just thinking of all the little scenes I’ll have to alter to make this change is making my head hurt. But it needs to be done.

After all that, I’ll have to do another line edit, because somehow even though I dropped an entire chapter, my word count went UP. Then I will write yet another query letter, which I think I have a better idea of how to approach that now. If all goes well, by the first of the year, I will be querying again.

Oh! Epic fantasy writing music. Discovered a group called Two Steps From Hell (via Brandon Sanderson’s Facebook, of all places), and immediately had to get both of their commercially available albums. Apparently they mostly make movie trailer music (in fact, I recognized two of their songs in the latest Twilight trailer). Which means most of what they’ve done is only available if you, you know, have lots of money and make movies. But, man. This is what I’m talking about:

Two Steps From Hell - Archangel

Anyway, here’s to getting an agent in 2012.

Like this post?

Like!

0 likes

Apparently one of my plugins was actually hiding all of my posts except the top one, but only if you weren’t logged in. So of course because I was logged in, I didn’t notice. Anywho, I have fixed that problem, and I’ve also gotten the audio player back up and running, so music should work now. Troubleshooting is a laborious process, involving a lot of logging in, turning features on and off, logging out, refreshing the page, checking the page, logging back in, and well, you get the idea. I posted two new posts since the Great Fatal Error and Two Week Shutdown, but because of the above problem, I don’t know if anyone has actually seen them. Was kind of wondering why they never showed up on Facebook.

The continuation of the second book in the Shades trilogy is going well. I’ve had a lot of fun incorporating snippets and elements from the first draft into unexpected places in this draft. My favorite this week is when Raphel actually takes over Naeth’s body for about three seconds, long enough to scare the crap out of Othau. How and why, you ask? The visual was taken from a scene in the first draft where Othau is taunting Saeli and Mora, saying he isn’t afraid of “their leader”, when Raphel appears in a doorway looking all awesome and scary and says something appropriately badass like “You should be afraid of me”.

In the current scene, Saeli and Mora are still trapped in a cave with Othau and his gang (see the post I wrote about that). Naeth has just showed himself, and is using Mora’s suras bond with Raphel to allow the two of them to communicate (as though they had a sorarc). They are interrupted by Othau, things escalate to a point where Othau grabs Mora’s arm…and we discover that apparently Raphel was still “on the other end of the line”, listening through Naeth’s connection. Raphel uses an intuitive combination of spirit walking, qi, and Mora’s suras bond and transfers his consciousness into Naeth long enough to possess the god’s body and knock Othau away. Then Naeth bucks him out. On the surface, after everything calms down and they make it to Caosgi, everyone kind of writes off the incident. Although Saeli and Naeth will both wonder how the hell Raphel did that, and will worry about what it means. And they are right to worry.

It’s really a very small incident, one of those things that happens in the thick of a fight that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense but nobody really pays attention to because zOMGpeoplearetryingtokillmerightnow. The “how the hell”s come later, when everyone’s had time to sit down and think.

I did this primarily to foreshadow the end of Book 2. It gives Raphel a small taste of what it’s like to have an immortal’s power, and provides the motivation for his major turning point. It will tweak the nature of the quest from “I want to destroy the gods” to “I want to destroy the gods myself, and take their place”. Raphel is no longer content to simply let the Keeper take out the gods of Verre; he starts fantasizing what it would be like to take that revenge himself. It won’t be until they get to Caosgi and learn about how newborn immortals are made that Raphel begins to contemplate possessing one permanently, and the incident with Naeth gives him a very good reason to start thinking this way: “I did it once, which means I can do it again…and if I do it with a newborn, he or she won’t be able to kick me out like Naeth did.”

And it gives Naeth a very, very good reason to never trust Raphel again. He probably won’t ever confess it, but that incident will have scared the crap out of him. Just as Raphel got his split-second of immortal power, Naeth got a split-second flash of who Raphel really is on the inside. The god will probably very quickly guess Raphel’s intentions on Caosgi, and will step up his efforts to turn Saeli against Raphel.

So as you can see, my writing has been going pretty well. Which is good, because little ELSE about this process is right now. Still agent hunting, and I’m getting kind of discouraged. Aside from that first nibble right at the beginning of the hunt, I’ve gotten nothing but silence and form rejection letters. I’ve revised the query letter once, and now it looks like I’m going to have to revise it again. I’ve read that if you aren’t getting at least like 4 out of 10 requests for partials or fulls, then there’s something wrong with the letter. But I’m also a a point where I honestly do not know how to make my query any better.

It occurred to me that part of the problem may lie not in the story itself, or the query letter, but in the genre, of all things. High fantasy for YA is not “in” right now, if the shelves at Books-a-million are any indication, and it may be only wishful thinking on my part that I think it’s making a comeback. It may be that a lot of these agents I’m querying actually like my story, but they just don’t think they can sell it right now. They might love it, but if they can’t sell it, they aren’t going to take it on.

Unfortunately there isn’t much I can do about that. I can’t make Shades NOT be high fantasy without fundamentally rebulding the whole thing from the ground up. I do have a couple of other options.

I can start hawking the story as a crossover to agents that represent adult fantasy. I may have to do that anyway, as my list of agents to query grows thinner.

And/or I can revise the query letter to contain specific selling points. I’d been dedicating most of the letter to the story hook, as I felt that was Shades’ strongest suit: yeah, it’s YA and yeah, it’s fantasy, but the point is that it’s a good story. But maybe I need to spell out why I think people will like Shades despite the fact that YA high fantasy is not the “in” thing right now.

1: The fantasy elements read more like an adult fantasy. There’s a reason teenagers who read fantasy and sci-fi tend to read ADULT fantasy and sci-fi…there isn’t much of the YA variety, and the YA variety tends to be less epic, less comprehensive, less grandiose. The voice and tone are different. It’s a difficult nuance to describe in words, but as a child who grew up on adult fantasy and now reads YA, I’m telling you, it’s there. Shades will appeal to teenagers like I used to be.

2: The voice, the pacing, the environments…these are all pure YA. Young adult is quicker, more immediate. Sharper. Pain and heartbreak are tasted and smelled and felt with all their sharp edges, but not really understood. Plenty of adult fantasies star teenaged characters, but those characters tend to be, due to circumstances, practically adults in all but age. Or, if they are children, they are handled in such a way that it becomes obvious that it is nevertheless an adult who is telling the story. It blunts the immediacy, in a sense. Adults just don’t handle problems the same way teenagers do. In contrast Saeli, despite being 19, is still an adolescent. A combination of upbringing and isolation from the larger world have shaped her in such a way that she still thinks and feels and deals with things like a teenager. Her life essentially revolves around school and studying until the cute bad boy intrudes on her life. That’s a pretty typical YA plotline because it’s something your typical high schooler will relate to.

Shades will sell to teenagers who grew up on Anne McCaffry and the Wheel of Time, and are now devouring Westerfeld and Holly Black and Melissa Marr.

Now I just have to figure out how to describe all that in a sentence or two.

Like this post?

Like!

1 likes

Anonymous

The original fight was in my first draft of the whole trilogy (back before it was a trilogy), and it was one of those awesome, completely unplanned moments. The way the events had been progressing, I always assumed Raphel was going to be the one to take down Othau. He certainly wanted to. So I had this Raphel vs. Othau moment in my head literally right up until the moment Othau and Avalgo pulled knives on each other, and Raphel was occupied elsewhere. And I said, “Um, okay, apparently these two aren’t going anywhere until they have it out”. And it’s sort of appropriate that the fight should be between the two characters who are actually from Dheu…it highlights the fact that my four main characters are interlopers on a conflict that’s much bigger and much older than they are.

The theme of the fight is essentially the age-old question: Can an end justify the means taken to achieve it? If you have to become a monster to save the world, is it worth it?

And this is a theme that forms the backbone of the entire trilogy. Raphel’s goal is to save Verre from a war that is destroying both the Mantles and the Cowls…but he has to kill two gods in order to do it. Obviously he thinks it’s worth it. Of course, he’s got a major lifelong grudge against one of these gods, and the other god is actively trying to wipe out his people…so he’s not exactly the most unbiased judge of such things. Same with Mora and Kaladan. Only Saeli really has a shot at truly deciding whether the end is worth the cost. Right now, she’s on Raphel’s side…but the more time she spends around Naeth, the more she’s going to realize exactly what it would mean to kill a god.

Will she save her world? Or will she save her soul? Of course, her stake in this is all tangled up in her relationship with Raphel, and the choices he makes. Her tragedy is that she will be forced to destroy Raphel while believing in her heart that he wasn’t completely wrong. Ultimately she chooses principle over saving the world, but her circumstances will allow her to do the latter by sticking to the former. Lucky Saeli. Why am I playing it like this? Why am I giving Saeli an out?

Because I don’t know the answer to the question.

Othau believes that securing a future generation of Dheuans is worth the cost of derailing two girls’ lives. Avalgo disagrees, arguing that what good does it do to become monsters in order to survive? Each of them has a point, and I honestly do not know what I would choose, were I put in that position. On one hand, kidnapping, rape, and forced childbirth are monstrous things to inflict on anyone. On the other hand, not acting to save an entire world when you *could*, is also monstrous. It’s an unsettling place for me, not being able to decide within my own mind what a character “ought” to do. All I have to work with is what I know the character would do.

It means I can’t really resolve this fight between Othau and Avalgo. It means that Saeli can’t fully resolve it, even after Raphel betrays her so badly that she MUST stand against him. It means I have to kill off my main villain without knowing, for certain, that he deserved it.

But ultimately, I think maybe it’s a question that needs to be left up to the reader to decide. Each character will choose where they stand, and the reader gets to decide if they made the right decision or not.

Like this post?

Like!

1 likes

Anonymous

Here’s the situation. Saeli, Raphel, Mora, and Kaladan are on a world that is, due to a series of unfortunate events involving three jealous goddesses, one naive god, and a very angry angelic…well, doomed. Said goddesses created an extremely infectious disease that eventually rendered every single female on the planet unable to bear children. The last generation has reached their mid-50s or so, and they’ve essentially lost hope.

Enter Saeli and Mora, two young women of childbearing age who, due to their not being born on Dheu, are immune to this disease. You can see how this might interest certain parties. The two women get kidnapped, and are currently trapped in a cave surrounded by twenty or so men who are so desperate to not be the last generation that they’re willing to rape female strangers and force them to live out their lives on Dheu bearing children.

Saeli and Mora are both trained in the art of using their qi to do all sorts of extraordinary things, like fire and ice and wind and teleportation spells. None of the men who have captured them have any such power. (Although half of them are what they call “spirit walkers”. They can essentially thrust their spirits out of their bodies and travel about the “spirit realm”, where they receive guidance from the angelics who live there. This is, of course, of no practical use whatsoever against someone who can lob a fireball at them).

The first obvious question: how did a couple of magically inclined characters get captured by a bunch of non-magically inclined characters in the first place? Especially Mora, who, being second-in-command of Raphel Kailar’s infamous cabal, should be neigh unto impossible to capture WITH qi. The answer? The two were taken by surprise and drugged. Saeli didn’t react in time because she’s never really been in a real fight before, even though she was expecting the attack and knew what the assailants were after. Mora didn’t react in time because Saeli hadn’t yet gotten the chance to warn her what was coming.

The drug, nepthas, is one that specifically neutralizes one’s capacity to draw qi. The idea of qi-altering drugs is not new to the overall story, having been introduced in the first book. It would make sense that what the spirit walkers of Dheu and the majahel of Verre draw from the same source of energy, and that the spirit walkers of Dheu would have discovered a means to keep novices from jaunting about in the spirit realm unsupervised. In high doses, nepthas renders the victim unconscious, and can actually stop the heart if too much is given. It allows a group of non-magic wielders to knock Saeli and Mora out for several hours and spirit them away.

So now they are in a cave…the drug has worn off and both girls are awake…Raphel and some others are on their way but haven’t arrived yet…and the men, not quite desperate enough to assault female strangers while they are unconscious (although they considered it), have been waiting for this moment.

Now I have to create an impasse. I’ve given Saeli and Mora back their qi for this scene, because I can’t have the men actually assault them until the cavalry arrives. Yet I cannot have the two girls whooping up on the men and escaping just yet, either…but given their powers, it’s very difficult to imagine a scenario in which this realistically would not happen. You can’t just not have them consider using their powers because, well, it’s their primary weapon. It’d be like a trained swordsman stepping into a battle and forgetting he has a sword. Ain’t gonna happen, you know? And if they were to use their power, there’s really nothing the spirit walkers can do to stop them. So I’ve got to do something that will even the odds, at least until Raphel and Co. show up.

Even the odds #1: Reintroduce nepthas.

I had one of the spirit walkers throw a handful of nepthas leaves on the campfire. I’ve already established that nepthas is an inhaled drug (the first time they took cloths soaked in a wet mixture of the drug and slapped them over the girls’ faces)…so given that they are in a small space, it shouldn’t take too long for the tainted smoke to take effect and render Saeli and Mora helpless again.

Problems: It will still take time, several minutes at the very least. Saeli and Mora could easily escape in that amount of time. Rather than evening the odds, nepthas merely functions as a ticking clock.

Even the odds #2: Establish what can and cannot be done with qi in a small space.

The cave, while small, is nevertheless big enough to contain about twenty men and a small fire around the entrance area, and Saeli and Mora further back. (I’m going to have to assume the men stashed their horses elsewhere; perhaps in a nearby cave, with someone to guard them.) The roof is high enough for everyone to stand comfortably, although it may be *just* that high. If I wanted to be specific, I could have Mora’s head brush the roof. It is deep enough for Saeli to create what amounts to an electrified web between the two parties, where the men would actually have to approach to be zapped by it. So I’m imagining a space that is something like a crack in a wall: deeper and taller than it is wide. Let’s say at its narrowest (which is where Saeli and Mora would be)…wide enough for two or three people to stand with arms outstretched and fingers touching. Wider at the entrance.

I began to write some dialogue between Saeli and Mora, in which they each brought up and discarded various forms they could use to escape. It helped me sort of figure out in my own mind what can and cannot be done with qi, and how environment shapes that. There are basically two “methods” in which qi is used, once you’ve drawn up the appropriate elemental energy: 1) Use the energy to manipulate its physical counterpart; ie, using Air to make a breeze, using Earth to create an earthquake, etc. Easier. Faster. Or 2) Manipulate the energy itself. This is how majahel sight works, and how you create shields, like Saeli’s lightning net. Also, most anjahel skills rely on this method. Any qi form that does anything more complicated than moving matter around probably uses a combination of the two methods.

The physical element does not have to be present, but the energy does. Luckily, most latent energy sitting around contains the four basic elements, so finding sources of energy is not usually difficult. One might have a little trouble using Water in a desert, or Fire in a lake, but it would not be impossible. However, elemental energy =/= physical matter. One may be able to draw Water energy from a dry place, but unless there is an actual source of water on hand (even moisture leeched from the air), one will not be able to spontaneously create physical water. One may be able to draw Air energy, but one cannot create a breeze if there is no physical air to move. The single exception is Fire, which is why fire forms are popular among both Mantles and Cowls.

So, back to Saeli and Mora’s non-predicament. My goal was to run through every possible form and see if there was a logical reason why said form could not be employed (because that’s what any intelligent majahel would do, and I have to assume the reader will, too). Make sure there was no way someone could say, “Well, they can do ___ and ___, right? Why don’t they just  ____?” with me going *facepalm*.

I began with “put out the fire”. Saeli suggests blowing it out. Mora explains that the act of pushing all that air OUT of the cave will draw an equal amount of air back IN, along with all that tainted nepthas smoke. They’d drug themselves in the act. They discuss putting it out with water (Saeli has heard dripping water in the cave somewhere), but again, what happens when you dump water on a fire? Clouds of smoke. Putting out the fire will do no good if they render themselves helpless in the process.

Then they move on to “neutralize the men”. Blast them all out with air or water? They’d just come back in, and also, see above. If they used fire, they’d probably incinerate themselves in the process. Saeli is actually the one to suggest killing them all, but only in the context of “Gee, I’m surprised you didn’t suggest that right away, Mora”. Neither of them, especially Saeli (who knows more of the story), particularly wants to seriously hurt or kill the men…partially because they empathize with their problems, and partially because killing “cowens”, ie, non-magical people, is the moral equivalent of shooting an unarmed person with a gun.

But they could paralyze them (Snake Creeps Down). They could also freeze them (Cross the Courtyard + Water Flows Downhill). And those are forms that the reader has already seen, via Raphel’s battle with the High Priestess. They could bind them up with cords of air (also something we’ve seen Raphel do). Plus we know that Saeli knows how to put people to sleep and influence the mood of a crowd, per her anjahel abilities.

After about a page of writing, and a lot more thinking, I was forced to conclude that, while Saeli and Mora’s environment limits their options some, it was not enough to realistically keep them from escaping. So…now what? How do I contain two magic users who have a very, very good reason to want to escape, now? (The nepthas on the fire effectively eliminates the weak but semi-plausible “oh, let’s just wait for Raphel, we don’t want to hurt these guys and they can’t do anything to us in the meantime” solution).

Then I remembered a chapter from the first draft, one I’d planned to eliminate, where Saeli and Mora are being guarded by a dark angelic that the spirit walkers had summoned. Random tidbit about Dheuan spirit walkers (that only I know): they have the ability to summon angelics, just like Verre anjahel. They can enter the spirit realm at will, after all. However, since their whole society is built around conversing with, learning from, and building relationships with angelics, summoning is very much a forbidden practice. It’d be like treating your teacher with respect, but ordering his children or servants around like animals; it just isn’t done.

That doesn’t, of course, mean that no one does it. As it happens, Othau and a few others have learned how in secret. So it would make sense that, faced with a couple of magic users that they need to subdue (but not hurt), they’d summon up an angelic as backup. I decided upon a marilith, since it’s 1) the only other dark angelic besides vrock that have been mentioned by name so far in the trilogy and 2) they are bigger, scarier, and much more intelligent than vrock. Inadvertently, this beings a whole new dimension of problems, because marilith are difficult to control. Mora senses, correctly, that the spirit walkers don’t really know what they are doing (or they would have chosen a more suitable angelic!), and thus, their control over the marilith they summon is tenuous.

Even the odds #3: Introduce a marilith.

And this finally does it. Because now Saeli and Mora cannot afford to do anything that is going to hurt or even distract the summoner, for fear of loosing the dark angelic from his control. Now they even have to worry about what will happen when Raphel does show up…because if he charges in with qi blazing, he could cause as much damage as either of the girls. Also, having a dark angelic around will give our other angelic friend Isharyel something to do besides stand there and be all wise and stuff.

So that was the process I went through, more or less, to make this scene work. I guess the lesson here is, when you have to put magical characters in a perilous situation, there are two things you can do. Introduce limits to their magic, and make the environment play to those limits. If that fails, introduce a second magical force to oppose them.

Like this post?

Like!

1 likes

Anonymous

Interestingly, the agent who requested the partial was one who requires a writing sample with a query. The agency I got a rejection from only wanted the query itself. This means that the one who was interested saw some of the writing itself, and the one that wasn’t, didn’t. If this pattern keeps up, that will tell me that my writing is compelling and my query is not…meaning I’ll need to revise the query letter. But I’ll climb that ladder when I get there, I guess. I’m cautiously optimistic at this point.

Meanwhile, I’ve begun the process of revisiting the first draft of the second and third books. The first thing I noticed was that the writing isn’t as bad as I was afraid it was. Having said that, yeah…it needs a whole lot of work. Second realization was, man, how this story has evolved since I wrote this draft. Still using mage and cleric as terms, still third person, still working out kinks in Raphel’s character, for instance. Most of my scenes don’t have nearly enough conflict. Stakes don’t feel high enough. Motivation feel very contrived in places. Things work out too neatly.

Having said that, general pacing is okay. Secondary characters are believable and generally deep enough…no major tweaks needed. Scenes are more or less in the right order. My main tasks are going to be raising stakes, revising Naeth’s character, and revising the Keeper’s character. I will also need to weave bits of Caosgi in when my characters are on Dheu, and bits of Dheu in when they are on Caosgi…otherwise, it’s going to feel like two smaller books smashed together. I need to weave some flashbacks or dreams about Saeli’s Aschamon days in there, too, so the second book will connect back to the first. Tie Saeli’s feelings about Brendan to her feelings about Naeth.

It feels like a lot of work, but I think once I really get going, it won’t be so bad. Been working on this story long enough that I have a pretty good handle on where it needs to go.

I’m also going to start brainstorming and plotting The Waters, so I have something else in the works if the trilogy doesn’t get picked up right away. I chose that one because of the ones I’m really itching to do next, it’s the most straightforward. I love Raphel to death, but he makes me want to write an awesome “bad boy” who actually is the hero…not just masquerading as one. Alex Merrett is that character. Then I’ll do Windwaker, or maybe by that time I’ll be ready to work on Mask of Eldarmarch again. Dragon Singer is so complex and will require so much research that this is not the time to tackle it. Like Briar Rose, it needs to percolate for a while longer.

Again, apologies for the sparseness of posts. I’m going to make an effort to post something at least once a week, but I’m not promising anything. I’m not one for “check-in” posts…I only post when I have something to blather about.

Now…back to work.

Like this post?

Like!

1 likes

Anonymous

I’m also working on a synopsis, which is more blarg…but not as bad as it could be, since I had the foresight to sum up all the important events of Hands on index cards in preparation for editing. I think I’ll have everything ready for the conference.

Speaking of: Hey, the Space Coast Writers Guild conference is coming up! Jan. 28th and 29th (which is a Friday and a Saturday). It’s a great conference, and not too pricey, as far as writing conferences go. Click here for details and a registration form. You can also walk in and register the day of.

I did the conference booklet again this year (yeah…last weekend’s mad project), and I hope it looks as good printed as it does on a computer screen. The registration booklet I did was a little graphics-busy, IMO.

So…one might ask why I’m blogging when I probably should be copyediting or synopsising or somesuch. Well, I’m feeling a bit burnt out and I figured writing something is at least more productive than reading pages upon pages of Slacktivist comments. Not that those aren’t interesting, and un-productive…anyway.

I ran across an interesting word the other day (through, ironically enough, said Slacktivist comment pages).

Kayfabe.

It describes both the act put on by performers and the willing suspension of disbelief on the part of the audience to participate in said act. It is both the ruse and the willingness to pretend to believe the ruse. It is the fourth wall. Apparently the most common use of the word occurs in professional wrestling, which is of course a highly elaborate act, for the most part. There is controversy on the origin of the word: some say it is pig latin for “be fake”, others say it originated as a carny term, a sort of code word they would use among themselves as a signal to “get in character, someone’s watching”.

However, this is a great word for any creative person to know. Think about it. Any movie, TV show, novel, play, painting…hell, just about any work of fiction could not succeed without kayfabe. No one who sits down to watch a movie or read a fantasy novel is under any illusion that anything depicted therein is actually real, in the sense that the chair they are sitting in is real. It’s fake. It’s an act. But the act, the kayfabe, is what allows the truths to be communicated. The creator knows it, and the audience (you hope) knows it’s not real. But the audience is willing to pretend, for a little while, and act as though they believe it’s real…because that is the only way it can be understood and enjoyed. You have to play along to get it. Anyone who sits around saying, “Bah, that’s not real!” cannot appreciate a work of fiction. They are missing the point.

But I think kayfabe is bigger than that. We all have roles that we play in society: amongst our friends, our family, strangers, authorities. Most public events have an understood kayfabe that people are expected to conform to…and when someone doesn’t, either intentionally or through ignorance, people notice. You clap to show approval at football games, and disapproval at bullfighting matches. You snap at poetry readings. You don’t dance during church services, unless you’re at a Pentecostal church, where it’s expected. You don’t talk during movies. You stand in line and wait your turn with a merchant, if you live in the US; otherwise, you have to be a little pushy. You don’t haggle the price of an item, unless you’re expected to. You don’t blow foghorns at ceremonies, unless it’s a graduation. You only crowd-surf at concerts. You stay off stage unless you are performing, presenting, or are invited by someone onstage. Kayfabe. Don’t break character. Don’t reveal the act for the ruse everyone knows it is.

Civil society depends on people being willing to believe that roles are real, even though in reality we know that people are more complex than just “parent”, “profession”, “spouse”, “jokester”, “crazy drunk person who sits at the corner of the bar every Friday night”, etc. Mixing roles is frowned upon. When you banter with the policeman who pulls you over the same way you would with your spouse, everyone gets a little uncomfortable. When someone cracks a joke or dances in the aisle during a solemn ceremony, it annoys people. Even something as simple as giving an honest answer to the scripted query “How are you today?” can be jarring.

As a writer, it is imperative that I understand kayfabe. My craft depends upon it. Ironically, I think to understand kayfabe well enough to use it in creating fiction, one must have a very clear understanding of the difference between fantasy and reality. Ironic, because kayfabe is all about non-reality. If you say a dragon destroyed Lord Orkenstyl’s castle and he wants revenge, people may take your word for it to find out what happens. If you say a dragon destroyed your car last week and that’s why you didn’t make it to work….eh, not so much. To write convincingly about dragons, your audience needs to know that you ultimately understand that dragons are not, in fact, real. But simultaneously, one has to believe in dragons so deeply that writing about them as if they were real becomes possible. I, myself as a writer, have to participate in the exact same kayfabe I’m creating for my readers. I have to fake it well enough that I myself, on some level, believe it…otherwise, it’s just not convincing.

However, the pitfall to this is that there will always be someone, somewhere, who mistakes kayfabe for reality. While everyone else is wearing plastic fangs and speaking in bad accents, someone is putting garlic on their windowsill and sharpening stakes. I would wonder if creators are less at risk for this, because, hey, they KNOW it’s fake. They created it! But at that same time, my experience is that creators are actually MORE at risk for mistaking kayfabe for reality. For example, I am personally convinced that Heath Ledger’s death was partially due to his role as the Joker finally getting to him. An actor must become the character they are playing…but they must never, you know, become that character.  A person who talks about Voldemort as if he was a real person is one thing, and mostly harmless. If pressed, they will still admit that Voldemort is made-up. A person who thinks he IS Voldemort, and proceeds to act as such…well, now it’s not a game anymore. And no one quite knows how to react to that. Everyone feels mildly betrayed, in fact…after all, doesn’t that idiot know that this was all supposed to be pretend? Ironically, the worst way to break kayfabe is not by refusing to play the game, but by believing the game is real.

Interestingly, I think the more a person creates, the better they become at spotting kayfabe…and the more willing they are to play along. They know it’s not real, and they don’t care  because they know that’s not the point. Which would mean that the seemingly most easily misled people would be, in reality, the most difficult to trick. Kayfabe is ultimately a fantastic game, where the ones who refuse to play along are boring, the ones who think it’s real are scary, and the best players are the ones who are so firmly embedded in reality that they can ride any flight of fantasy and believe every second of it.

Makes me want to reread Finite and Infinite Games by James P. Carse. He talked a lot about kayfabe in that book, though that’s not what he called it.

Like this post?

Like!

0 likes

So here’s the one I finished. Keep in mind I did this really fast. For some reason, the skin color I used for the shadows in Saeli’s face came out really dark on the web…makes her look kinda dead or something. Oh well.

Saeli / Raphel

In other news, I’ve been line editing…slowly…and also creating a basic overarching plot for my Grimms concept. Oh, and wrapping presents. And making presents. Speaking of…I should probably get to that at some point today.

Like this post?

Like!

2 likes

Anonymous(2)

I’ve begun re-reading my First Draft in 30 Days book, and thinking about how I’m going to approach re-writing the second installment in Shades. At the conference, I want to at least be able to say that I’m “working on” the second book. Hopefully if I start the re-write with a system, it will go faster than this first book has.

In other news, I finally got my hands on copies of the first two books in a series I was curious about: Chaos Walking by Patrick Ness. I’ve finished the first book and started on the second. I picked them up solely because their titles were so compelling. The Knife of Never Letting Go and The Ask and the Answer. I mean, come on…titles like that beg to be read. The voice of the story actually irritated me at first; the protagonist speaks in a very Huck Finn sort of way, ain’t and yer and phonetic spellings of words. It wasn’t what I was expecting, but you get used to it. Premise of the story is interesting…not unique, but approached in a unique way. But man, those titles. That’s why a book title has to be compelling.

Also picked up a book called Shade by Jeri Smith Ready. Anything with a title or premise that seems remotely similar to my Shades, I make a point to read. Just to make sure my story is sufficiently different. Shade is a pretty run-of-the-mill paranormal romance, not the best thing I’ve read but far from the worst. I enjoyed it, but there was one aspect that annoyed the hell out of me. It’s a sin that certain anime shows tend to pull, also, and maybe it’s just a particular irritant of mine. But: don’t introduce a mystery you aren’t going to explain. Don’t hint at certain aspects of worldbuilding, and then never come back to them. Rah Xephon did this, Evangelion did this. Arg. When you haven’t explained what exactly the Mu are, or where the Angels come from and why they are attacking, I don’t feel like the story is over. I am left feeling extremely unsatisfied. Maybe that’s a personal problem, but there it is.

Shade was bad about that. Basic premise: one solstice, something called the Shift occurred, and all children born afterwards possess the ability to see ghosts. The story takes place sixteen years later, and is about a girl who was the first one born after the Shift. There’s a possibility that her birth caused the Shift, but like most of the mysteries in the book, this was not explained. There was a whole subplot about her trying to figure out why her mother was in Ireland a year before the Shift, and who her father was, and if that was all connected to the Shift. One of the other characters, Zach, was the last one born before the Shift, and has this ability to scare away ghosts. All these things are introduced, but never explored. Never explained. I got to the end of the story, which ends in kind of an odd place, and thought to myself, “That’s it? Is that it?”

If this is the first book in a series, I would be willing to forgive everything I just complained about. However, there’s no indication anywhere in the book or on the cover that this is a series, or if there will be a sequel. I finished the book without being convinced that the story was over. It just kind of stopped. Only one plot threat was resolved. Everything else still hangs wide open. That sort of thing frustrates the hell out of me as a reader. Maybe that’s why there are so few anime shows I feel like I really “get”.

Anyway, I have Towers of Midnight, The Clockwork Angel, Linger, Last Sacrifice, and a few other titles still in my library queue. I do hope they don’t all come in at once (because, OMG, ToM is like 300,000 words or something). I checked out Wicked, and may attempt Pride and Prejudice and Zombies…that whole emerging genre of hijacking and twisting classics as they enter public domain is fascinating.

I also have Orson Scott Card’s Characters and Viewpoint sitting on my floor, since I liked his other writing book on sci-fi and fantasy so much. However, lately I’ve been reading some blogs online and realizing that a lot of people have a pretty negative opinion of the man and his writing. It puts me in a bit of an odd place, because on one hand, I don’t know anything about Card’s personal beliefs, and I haven’t read many of his books. It’s kind of scary to discover that I’ve been absorbing writing advice from a person who many people believe writes badly. However, How to Write Science Fiction and Fantasy is undoubtedly one of the most useful books on writing that I own, despite being about twenty years out of date. I can’t deny that book’s value to me just because other people don’t like the man. Eh, it’s a weird mental situation. I’m willing to extend the benefit of the doubt, at least to his writing books.

In other writing news, I discovered a great, gaping plot hole in my Grimms premise. But that’s a subject for a separate post. Mostly I’ve just been struggling with getting Hands Like Secrets line edited, and ready to submit by January. I think I’ll get there.

Like this post?

Like!

0 likes

I say all this because Raphel has what I’d call an abusive personality. In this, the first book, he’s very, very subtle about it. But in a way, that means this is the book where I have to walk the finest line between dark hero and villain. I don’t want Saeli to know she’s dealing with an abuser, but I do want the reader to start wondering. One of the things I find myself pulling out of this edit is the tendency of abusers to blame their actions on the victim. “Look what you made me do.” “It’s your fault I had to do this.” Raphel does this to Saeli a lot in “justifying” his kills. “I wouldn’t have had to kill this person if you had done *this*…” I haven’t even had to bring it out except in one scene…I was putting it in there all along without realizing it. He doesn’t outright blame her; she wouldn’t stand for that, not yet. But the implication is clear.

Raphel does it for control. If Saeli is too busy blaming herself for all the bad stuff that happens, she won’t think to blame Raphel and she won’t question him. Late in the second book, things will probably get to a point where Raphel doesn’t even have to make excuses for himself anymore; Saeli will just automatically cast Raphel as the victim of her own incompetence. She’ll start seeing herself as directly responsible for Raphel’s morality; she’ll start thinking in terms of being good enough and pure enough to save him from his own dark side. Thus, when he “fails” and kills someone, or whatnot, Saeli fails. Bad mental place to be. Especially since Raphel is the one who orchestrated that mindset in the first place, and will actively use it to his advantage.

I have to plant the seeds in this first book, or no one will believe it when Raphel gets worse later on. I’m working to make those seeds as subtle as I can, because I know from hearing people’s stories that abusers are really difficult to spot early on in the relationship. Raphel has to be particularly careful with Saeli, because she could at any moment hide herself inside Aschamon and be out of his reach forever. (Which is why one of the first things he does is start undermining her faith in Aschamon’s defenses. Part of the reason she decides to hear him out at all is because she’s afraid the school can’t protect her if she refuses.) He can’t afford to scare her off, so he’s cautious and gentle with her. But if a guy slaps you across the face within five minutes of first meeting you, he is not a nice person. (If he later confirms that he’s not a nice person, you might want to listen.) If he starts making you responsible for the deaths he could cause, unless you do what he says, he is manipulating you. If he kills people and then tries to make it sound like he wouldn’t have had to if you had done something different, he is manipulating you. If I can get readers to recognize the signs in this story, I hope it will help them recognize those signs in real life.

I imagine there will still be readers who will be upset with me for not redeeming Raphel in the end, but I don’t want that to be because the clues weren’t in place for them to see his downfall coming. Part of the overall theme of Shades is the inherent tragedy one faces in cutting oneself loose from someone you love who is abusing you. (And recognizing the fact that they are, in fact, abusing you.) You cannot help a person who refuses to be helped, and staying with them does not help them. It enables them to keep abusing. You have to get yourself out, even if that means abandoning them to their own darkness. That’s what Saeli essentially has to do.

I’m a little more than halfway through this second pass of this edit. My word count is essentially unchanged…I guess I’ve been taking out more or less the same amount of words I’ve been adding. The next edit will be a line edit, which will be loads of unfun, I imagine.

Like this post?

Like!

0 likes