Posted by nightphoenix on Dec 20, 2010 in
Art,
Output They happen. Sometimes I go through stages where I just have to draw something before I can write again. Anyway, I’ve started something of a series. I’m (maybe) going to do a shot of every hero and heroine from each of my story ideas paired together. I finished Saeli and Raphel this morning, and have put together the guide for Caleb and Fayna (Briar Rose).
So here’s the one I finished. Keep in mind I did this really fast. For some reason, the skin color I used for the shadows in Saeli’s face came out really dark on the web…makes her look kinda dead or something. 
Oh well.
Saeli / Raphel
In other news, I’ve been line editing…slowly…and also creating a basic overarching plot for my Grimms concept. Oh, and wrapping presents. And making presents. Speaking of…I should probably get to that at some point today.
Tags: digital, Raphel, Saeli, Shades
Posted by nightphoenix on Nov 30, 2010 in
Novels,
Output This is something, thankfully, that I know nothing about firsthand. I don’t think I’ve ever spent a significant amount of time with anyone who would fall under that category (if I have, they hid it really well). But alas, that means everything I know is going to come from reading the experiences of others, and reading the sort of official literature on the subject. Which, on one hand, is by far the closest I want to get to dealing with an abuser…but on the other hand, there will always be that voice in the back of my head saying, “You aren’t qualified to write this…you don’t really know what it’s like to be taken in by someone like that.”
I say all this because Raphel has what I’d call an abusive personality. In this, the first book, he’s very, very subtle about it. But in a way, that means this is the book where I have to walk the finest line between dark hero and villain. I don’t want Saeli to know she’s dealing with an abuser, but I do want the reader to start wondering. One of the things I find myself pulling out of this edit is the tendency of abusers to blame their actions on the victim. “Look what you made me do.” “It’s your fault I had to do this.” Raphel does this to Saeli a lot in “justifying” his kills. “I wouldn’t have had to kill this person if you had done *this*…” I haven’t even had to bring it out except in one scene…I was putting it in there all along without realizing it. He doesn’t outright blame her; she wouldn’t stand for that, not yet. But the implication is clear.
Raphel does it for control. If Saeli is too busy blaming herself for all the bad stuff that happens, she won’t think to blame Raphel and she won’t question him. Late in the second book, things will probably get to a point where Raphel doesn’t even have to make excuses for himself anymore; Saeli will just automatically cast Raphel as the victim of her own incompetence. She’ll start seeing herself as directly responsible for Raphel’s morality; she’ll start thinking in terms of being good enough and pure enough to save him from his own dark side. Thus, when he “fails” and kills someone, or whatnot, Saeli fails. Bad mental place to be. Especially since Raphel is the one who orchestrated that mindset in the first place, and will actively use it to his advantage.
I have to plant the seeds in this first book, or no one will believe it when Raphel gets worse later on. I’m working to make those seeds as subtle as I can, because I know from hearing people’s stories that abusers are really difficult to spot early on in the relationship. Raphel has to be particularly careful with Saeli, because she could at any moment hide herself inside Aschamon and be out of his reach forever. (Which is why one of the first things he does is start undermining her faith in Aschamon’s defenses. Part of the reason she decides to hear him out at all is because she’s afraid the school can’t protect her if she refuses.) He can’t afford to scare her off, so he’s cautious and gentle with her. But if a guy slaps you across the face within five minutes of first meeting you, he is not a nice person. (If he later confirms that he’s not a nice person, you might want to listen.) If he starts making you responsible for the deaths he could cause, unless you do what he says, he is manipulating you. If he kills people and then tries to make it sound like he wouldn’t have had to if you had done something different, he is manipulating you. If I can get readers to recognize the signs in this story, I hope it will help them recognize those signs in real life.
I imagine there will still be readers who will be upset with me for not redeeming Raphel in the end, but I don’t want that to be because the clues weren’t in place for them to see his downfall coming. Part of the overall theme of Shades is the inherent tragedy one faces in cutting oneself loose from someone you love who is abusing you. (And recognizing the fact that they are, in fact, abusing you.) You cannot help a person who refuses to be helped, and staying with them does not help them. It enables them to keep abusing. You have to get yourself out, even if that means abandoning them to their own darkness. That’s what Saeli essentially has to do.
I’m a little more than halfway through this second pass of this edit. My word count is essentially unchanged…I guess I’ve been taking out more or less the same amount of words I’ve been adding. The next edit will be a line edit, which will be loads of unfun, I imagine.
Tags: editing and revisions, Raphel, Saeli, Shades
Posted by nightphoenix on Sep 28, 2010 in
Novels,
Output Delved a little deeper into Raphel’s heart than I really meant to. Hey, not my fault. It actually worked as something of a distraction for Saeli, preventing her from thinking too hard on the fact that he just killed someone. Again.
Yesterday I listened to a Writing Excuses podcast about first person POV, and a lightbulb kind of went on in my head. Third person limited, which is what I wrote the first two drafts in, is too honest for the story I’m trying to tell. The only way to have a strong female protagonist fall for the villain, and to have that love survive several instances of betrayal, all the while keeping the heroine from looking like a moron, is to be in her head. I need that bias. I need that distance from Raphel. I’m trying to deceive the reader into falling for Raphel, too, and he’s *just* villainous enough that nobody will buy it unless they see him directly through Saeli’s eyes.
I worry, sometimes, that I’m writing Raphel too sympathetically this time around. If the line between a dark hero and a villain is a knife’s edge, Raphel is going to be cutting his shoes through the entire trilogy. It’s like when you hold an object close to your face. If you look with just one eye, it appears one way. But when you look through the other eye, it appears to be in a completely different place.
In a way, Saeli sees Raphel with one eye shut. Sure, there’s darkness in him, but he’s still a hero in that eye. But others in the story keep urging her to look at him with the other eye and see his cruelty, his ambition, the way he manipulates people, his lack of true empathy. In the end, Saeli will learn to look at Raphel with both eyes open, and that’s really the cruel part. If she only viewed him through the eye that sees his villainous side, the decision to destroy him would be justifiable (if not easy). But she has to destroy him knowing he’s at least partially a hero inside. Add that to the fact that she loves him, and saving her world will quite possibly be the agonizing choice she’ll ever have to make.
Not something I could do without a narrator bias. Thank you, Writing Excuses.
Tags: Raphel, Saeli, Shades
Posted by nightphoenix on Jul 23, 2010 in
Novels,
Output So I’ve reached the point (again) where Raphel has convinced Saeli to help him overthrow the gods. I had to do it a little differently (again), because her internal struggles are a little different. On the first draft of the story, Saeli was very naive, so Raphel didn’t have to try all that hard to bring her in. In the second draft, she got a lot more shrewd, so Raphel actually had to get a little more scary. This time around, I’ve backed Raphel’s mean streak off a bit, although I think he’s still much harsher than the original version of him. Interestingly, being directly in Saeli’s head has allowed me to play Raphel’s mystery up more. I’m also playing up his seductive nature, and on this draft I’m trying to hold off Saeli feeling outright betrayed by him until the very end, when he goes after Aschamon. That way all the various small betrayals will pile on top of her at once, and she’ll realize just how badly he’s played her.
Read more…
Tags: editing and revisions, Raphel, Saeli, Shades
Posted by nightphoenix on Jul 19, 2010 in
Novels,
Output It will be so gratifying when I don’t have to say that anymore. Five years is a long time for a project, you know?
I think, I think, that the scene I’m currently working on will be one of the last to involve significant changes to the storyline itself. It’s the scene where Saeli meets Raphel in the Sari Cafe…only now she’s already been given her Mantle, she has to sneak off campus in order to meet him at all, she and Cara had to deceive Brendan in order to pull off the escape, and she’s got a two hour time limit to get back (before the school gates close for the night). Thus, the whole dialogue will have to unfold in a different order to accommodate the changes. Plus I’m bringing over a shortened version of the dedication discussion, since the first thing out of Saeli’s mouth is going to be something along the lines of “Uh, they kind of made me a Mantle”…which isn’t going to make Raphel happy.
Read more…
Tags: Brendan, Cara, editing and revisions, Raphel, Saeli, Shades
Posted by nightphoenix on Jul 3, 2010 in
Novels,
Output I mean, Geris’ cabal has a name: the Blackports. They hail out of Lanschport, in the southeast…which has a certain reputation even among Cowls. All people of Verre have some particular superstitions about the ocean, and avoid it if possible; easy to do on their world. Lanschport has the notoriety of being the only major city built seaside, which contributes to its unsavory reputation. This, by the way, is information that doesn’t have anything to do with the story of Raphel and Saeli, so it will probably never get mentioned.
Geris takes particular delight in being from Lanschport, but then, he’s a weird, perverse kind of guy.
What would Raphel call his cabal? To the larger world, the name would be mostly irrelevant. Raphel is so famous that his cabal is simply going to be known by most people as “Raphel’s cabal”…they aren’t going to care what he himself calls it. But still, they must call themselves something…every group needs an identity.
I’m inclined toward something like “New Iadnah”, or something like that. The Cowls in Raphel’s cabal, or at least a good number of them, are survivors of the Siege of Iadnah. Raphel met Nasira in Iadnah during the siege, an event which definitely changed his life. It’s an identifying point with them…gives them particular reason to want to assassinate high-ranking Mantles. Only New Iadnah sounds a little presumptuous to me. But I dunno, maybe Raphel would name his group something presumptous. Maybe he did it when he took it over from Nasira when he was 18.
I’ll just have to think about it some more.
Tags: ideas, Raphel, Shades
Posted by Mistress of Feathers on May 24, 2010 in
Novels,
Output Go me, I even spelled fortuitous right on my first try.
So a month or two ago, there was this author that had been recommended to me, and I kept telling myself I should check her out. Then, at the Cassandra Claire and Holly Black event in Vero, that same author was recommended yet again, by those two no less. I said to myself, “I really do need to look into that.”
Then, of course, I completely forgot the author’s name. Read more…
Tags: authors, books, editing and revisions, Raphel, Saeli, Shades
Posted by nightphoenix on May 6, 2010 in
Novels,
Output Gotta give the guy some credit. He seems like such a simple character: classic Boy-Next-Door, the one who’s perfect for the heroine but she just doesn’t see it. (In Saeli’s defense, I’m not sure Brendan’s actually “better” for her, in terms of compatibility. I do think they could have made it work, and work well, if she’d been willing to give him that chance.) But there’s a lot going on with him on the inside. He’s actually a bit darker than most boy-next-doors; he has some anger management and depression problems, though they’re buried pretty deep. Throughout this story he’s going to be dealing with feelings he’s never had to face before, and it’s going to dredge some of that up. (Seriously. Making Brendan angry is like pissing off a volcano. Bad idea. Unless you’re Raphel. He seems to enjoy watching people blow up emotionally.)
Read more…
Tags: Brendan, editing and revisions, Raphel, Saeli, Shades
Posted by nightphoenix on Mar 22, 2010 in
Output,
Process Let’s start with one of those hello, I’ve always been a writer at heart moments. I was making soundtracks long before I chose to focus on writing. My playlists have to tell a story or I’m not satisfied with them.
I’ve made two new playlists over the last week…really just gathering music that seems to fit a theme. One was for To Wake a Windmaker. Lots of adventure songs, music that kind of lifts you out of yourself, makes you feel like you could do anything. Interestingly, that playlist has collected three Kutless songs, whereas before I hadn’t really listened to them. I’ve also started a soundtrack for the sequel to Shades, which is tentatively called “The Angel Experiments” at this point. Not much in that one yet, because the story is still in the very early stages of planning.
Read more…
Tags: Raphel, Saeli, Shades
Posted by Mistress of Feathers on Mar 15, 2010 in
Input,
News,
Output Eli has been out of school with a cold since last Friday (which is only actually two days: Friday and today), which means that my ability to get anything done is hampered by various mommy duties. The cold is getting better, finally…it was one of those that gets into the eyes and makes them produce copious amounts of green gunk. I did a lot of nighttime eye un-gluing this weekend. I think he’ll be able to go back to school Wednesday.
Then of course, there’s the “I’m still recovering from the hard drive crash” excuse, but at this point, I think I’ve exhausted that one. I did a once-over of the first book of Shades, and did a little writing today.
Mostly, I’ve not updated because I really haven’t felt like it. Not from a lack of exciting or interesting things to report…in fact, I think it might be due to too many things to talk about. I’ve read several books since Wednesday, all of which were good enough to merit a blog-nod, at least. But…meh. I don’t feel so much like reviewing anything right now.
I’ve actually felt like sitting down and writing some erotic Shades fanfiction. (I suppose I can hope Shades will be enough of a hit someday to merit fanfiction…and it can be fun to anticipate what people are going to come up with. Dear gods, the slash will probably be awful).
One, to see if I can actually bring myself to write an erotic scene…what words I can/cannot get on the page, where evocative turns into gross/cheesy/unrealistic/just plain bad, etc. Shades does not need such scenes, and won’t contain any, but I can think of a couple of places in my Tindaari epic that might. (Celeste is a whore, by profession. Nuatha’s relationship with her is intimately *cough* tied to both his own sexual awakening and to his character arc. Some of that growth is going to take place in the bedroom…and I’m just going to have to get over it.)
Two, Saeli and Raphel’s relationship is grating on me right now. Not on a writerly level…I’ve just reread the whole manuscript so far, and I think I’ve got the level of sexual/antagonistic/partnership tension about where it needs to be. But I think it’s safe to say that I’m more emotionally attached to these characters than anyone else could possibly be. I want them to get together because I like Raphel and I’m a lot like Saeli, in some ways. Pure wish fulfillment. Something I know I can’t do in the story itself without destroying it, but something I *want*, nonetheless. (Hey, that’s what fanfiction is for, IMO. Pairing off characters just because the fans want it, not because it’s in any way hinted at in the canon.) This is actually a sign to me that I’ve Saeli’s and Raphel’s relationship right in the story, because part of the tension lies in the fact that they are, in some ways, perfect for each other…and yet, it just can’t work. I want the reader to hate that. I know this probably sounds ridiculous, but I want the reader to fall in love with Raphel and despair. It’s the major underlying problem Saeli has to overcome.
So, but okay, writer-me is satisfied, but fan-me is still grinding her teeth.
I may do it, just because. Maybe in between the actual finishing of the last chapters, in that time when I’d normally be checking Facebook or something. This is not something I’d be posting here, by the way. I know too many people that read this that I probably wouldn’t be able to face again, if I did. ;D No erotica on Nightphoenix’s blog, sorry.
I’ve decided I need to go back and read The Society of S by Susan Hubbard. I think, out of all the YA books I’ve read recently, that story’s pacing most closely resembles mine; a bit less action, bam-bam-wham, a bit more literary. (This is only compared to today’s popular YA, which tends to read very, very fast.) Since I enjoyed Society of S, despite its slower pace (or maybe because of it), I should go back and pay attention to how that was done.
Not much else to report. The spring forward thing is killing me. We didn’t eat supper tonight until like 8:30, ’cause I just couldn’t get my act together. Now it’s nearly midnight, and we have to go to bed soon. *sigh*
Tags: Raphel, Saeli, Shades, the real world
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