Unruly characters
Brendan kissed Saeli today.
And there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop him.
I think the only reason he didn’t do it in the first draft is because Scisaxar was borrowing his body, and then he was preoccupied with Geris and then Raphel. Well, I moved Scisaxar over to the HP’s body…a necessary consequence of leaving her alive…and moved Brendan onto the scene earlier. Of course the first thing he did was run up and hug Saeli, and I didn’t anticipate that, either. I was going to have him interrogate her about the portal, about why she’s working with Raphel…but when he actually got there, he didn’t give a rip about any of that. The only thing in his head was throwing his arms around the girl he loved and assuring himself that she was really, truly there. I mean, she’s been with the enemy for a month, leaving him stewing over the fact that she may or may not be in love with her captor. Then he survives the attack on Aschamon, and hears that she’s the one who betrayed the school. And then he sees her on the balcony, alone.
I should have known.
I actually did not want him to kiss her, because of some lofty thematic reasons and because it makes his downfall more tragic if he never gets the chance to even touch Saeli. But, unfortunately, I gave him the opportunity and he ran with it. He had to kiss her, once, not because he thinks that will change her mind, but actually because he knows she doesn’t love him like that. He isn’t going to get another chance, no matter what goes down, and he knows that. (If Saeli had displayed any spark of romantic interest in that first moment when she spotted him, he wouldn’t have done it.) It’s quite possibly the most selfish action Brendan ever takes in the story, and I can’t say I didn’t push him to it.
And I can’t say I’m sorry for it. I’ve actually been in Brendan’s place, in that same moment…gods, with that same opportunity…and I never had the courage to do what he did. Maybe his character needed that brief show of strength, because Brendan has to be at least a semi-legitimate rival for Saeli’s affection. He can’t compete with Raphel (hell, nobody can), but I have to make him strong enough and sympathetic enough that the reader knows he would have been worthy of Saeli’s love, had Raphel never entered the picture. I think that’s what makes his character tragic…not because he never took the chance, but because he never stood a chance against someone like Raphel. He deserved a fair shot and circumstance took it away from him.
Also, Saeli should have chosen Brendan and she didn’t. She couldn’t have chosen him, else there’d be no story…but she should have. Brendan plays the part of the Wrong Guy in this particular dark romance…but Raphel is the Wrong Guy for Saeli, personally, and for any gal, in general. He doesn’t know how to love…doesn’t know how to even deal with the possibility. And by the end of the story, Saeli knows it.
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